Her Walls
by honey-x-combgirl
Summary: AU RM - Marissa has made walls, walls that protect her. Nobody can come through, she won't let them. Until he slowly makes her lower them, going right to the place that hurts most.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N- I'm sorry I haven't been around for awhile, but I have my reasons. I hope you like this story, and reviews are gladly appreciated.**

**Summary- Marissa has made walls, walls that protect her. Nobody can come through, she won't let them. Until he slowly makes her lower them, going right to the place that hurts most.**

**My Walls**

**Marissa's POV**

I had built walls. Walls that blocked out the entire world, from my heart. It had all started when I had found Luke, my long term relationship, cheating on me with my best friend, Holly. I had been pretty badly shaken. My heart felt like it couldn't possibly hurt any more, how wrong I was. It all just started going down hill from there. My father got thrown in jail. My mother broke up with him, and started going out with this guy by the name of Jack. Jack beat me, no matter what I did, when I did it, it wasn't good enough for Jack. So he beat me and my mother. I bagged my mother to leave him, but she had said that if she left him, he would kill both of us. Therefore, we were forced to live with the beatings we got daily. Which added to my perfect life, as it was.

That's why I had made walls.

I regret it now, but I pushed everyone away. Even my best friend that stuck by my side, Summer Roberts. I don't know why, but she never gave up on me, not even when I wouldn't talk for five months. She'd just walk with my lifeless body to every class, and not say a word. I guess that's what a true friend will do, like I would do for her, without thinking. But back then, I was a depressed, heart broken person, so I just pushed her away. Like I did to everybody else that tryed to help.

But one boy, by the name of Ryan Atwood helped me see light again. Still today I don't have a clue what made him want to help someone such as me, but he did, and here I am today.

Thanks to Ryan, I'm still here to tell the story.

One day I was sitting on the lifeguard stand, with a knife beside me. I new now that I had come to the lowest point I could be in; I was about to cut myself. I kept looking at the sharp blade of the knife, and wondered if it dug in my skin, I would feel that pain, instead of the pain the kept coming in a orderly fashion inside.

I picked up the knife, and put it to my wrist, debating to press down, for the blade to cut the flesh. I was about to press on the knife, when I heard a beautiful, calm, worried voice call out "You really shouldn't do that, Marissa"  
I turned around startled, put the knife down and said "Who are you, and how do you know my name?"

"I'm Ryan Atwood. Not that you would notice, you're normally to wrapped up in space to say anything to me, or anyone else for that matter."

Then I realized, that was the first time I had spoken in five months. I stared in space for a minute, not saying anything, I haven't spoke if five months, so it should have been easy not to talk, but this certain boy, wanted to make me talk.

"I'm sorry Ryan... I've been um... under a lot." I said blinking my eyes a few times to stop the tears that were threatening to fall.

"I know, I've heard," He said, looking strait in my eyes.

The tears left my eyes, making a streak down my cheek. I bowed my head, shaking it, ashamed of myself for letting my emotions show. I had no idea who this boy was, other then his name, and I had no idea where he came from. All I knew was that he had this power over me, that nobody had before. I became even more ashamed of myself, so I got up and started down the ramp. But before I could go he graped my arm. I flinched away, and he instantly let his hand drop to his side.

"I didn't mean to make you cry, if I said something that upset you, I'm sorry." He had said, in a just as ashamed voice as I had felt.

"You didn't make me cry, I'm just that pathetic, ok?" I said starting to walk away again.

Like I had guessed, he was right behind me. What was wrong with this boy? What was he going to do to me? Suddenly flashes of Jack came to mind. The horded face he had, the evil look in his eyes, right before he struck me. I couldn't take it anymore, I crumbled to the sand, and curled into a little ball, like I did when Jack was beating me. I closed my eyes, and waited for the beatings to begin. But I didn't feel pain, I felt two strong arms lift me up, and carry me back to the lifeguard stand. Of course, I started to think the worst, like I always seemed to do, so I started begging him not to hurt me, for him to let me go, for him not to kill me. He didn't drop me though, like I had wished he would, he just said a quick soothing 'shhh' and kept walking. By the time we got back to the stand, I was bawling. I knew something was going to happen, he was going to hurt me, or even worse... use me.

He walked up the ramp to the lifeguard stand, and sat down, with me on his lap, still curled into a ball. He stroked the small of my back, in soothing small circles.

After awhile, I couldn't stand it anymore, I knew he was going to hurt me, he mays well get it over with. If I was lucky, he would take my life, so I wouldn't have to live with my self anymore. "Can you just get this over with?" I asked in a desperate voice.

"What over with?" He asked with a confused face.

"Whatever you're going to do to me, kill me, rape me, I don't know, just don't wait any longer, it's horrible." I said in a disparate tone.

"Marissa, do you really think I would do that to you?" He asked, hurt evident in his voice.

"Everyone else seems to like too." I cried, going to get up again. He was quicker though, he pulled me back down.

"Please, Marissa. Just tell me about it, I won't hurt you." He bagged, sounding like he really did care. Although she couldn't be sure if he was telling the truth. Her heart was telling her one thing and her head was telling her another. She decided to go with her head, and not tell him anything.

"I can't," I had pleaded with him.

"Why?" He asked, being difficult.

I just shook my head, and tried to get up again, this time he put up no fight to hold me back. I got up, and fled to my car. When I was in the safety of my car, I put my head on the steering wheel, and let the tears fall more freely from my eyes. All the years I had known Summer, and I didn't even talk to her, but I meet a boy, that I never even, as much saw, and I almost tell him my life story. What was happening to my walls? Why were they not supportive around him? And what was the damn warm, fuzzy feeling I had inside?

**-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-**

I was in the drive of the Cohen's house. I didn't really know why... well I knew why, but I wasn't sure I really wanted to go in. It had been three weeks since I saw him at the beach, and I just wanted to feel that warm feeling again, and the only way to feel that, was to be by him. Well I had figured it was him, because I only felt it before, when he was around me. I couldn't quite recall what the feeling was, but it took the pain away for a few minutes, and that was all I was really asking for.

I got out of my car, and started for the front door of the Cohen's. I knocked on the door and I met the face of a loving father. A father that I wish could have been mine, Sandy Cohen. He must have known that I didn't talk much, or see anybody, because when he opened the door, his eyes bugged a little. "Marissa," Sandy said, he still had a little shock on his face, I could see it, "come in."

"Thanks," I had said, I was becoming more ashamed of myself when Kirsten walked in, and her eyes bugged to.

"Marissa?" Kirsten asked, not even trying to hide her shock. She smiled and ran over to me, with her arms open. It took all my will power to not flinch back. "What are you doing here?" She asked smiling lovingly at me. I wished that Kirsten and Sandy could be my parents, if they were, my life wouldn't be such a mess now.

"I actually came to see Ryan," I said, not looking a them. I waited for Sandy to grasp me by the collar of the shirt and drag me out of the house, but Kirsten just said "Come on then, I'll take you to the pool house," I looked up at her, she still had a warm smile on. I regretted thinking they would throw me out, they were wonderful people. Wonderful people, that some how seemed to like me for who I was.

We walked in the pool house, and Ryan and Seth were sitting on the floor playing a video game. Ryan was the first to look up, the emotions playing across his face. First there was confusion, then shock, then it looked like something that I couldn't recall at the time.

Seth looked up, his too, eyes bugged out.

Kirsten pushed me in gently, and closed the door be hide her. When Kirsten left, she took all my insecurities with her, because I slowly walked over to the two boys, and sat beside Ryan. I pulled my legs up to my chest and looked at the screen. It had to be Ryan, because I could feel the warm, fuzzy feeling again. I was so caught up in my own thoughts about Ryan, I didn't realize the two boys were starring at me till Seth spoke up, "She actually has emotions."

I didn't know what he was talking about, till I realized I had a small smile on my face. I wasn't a overly happy jump for joy smile, but it was more emotion then I had shown in awhile.

Before my head had a time to react, my heart took over, and I laid my head on Ryan's shoulder. After my head had time to catch up, I realized what I had done and knew I was going to be thrown out. But he didn't throw me out, he put his arm around my shoulders, kissed the top of my head, and rubbed my arm. I sighed contently, this is where I wanted to be. When I was here, I felt well liked, safe, and with Ryan, loved.

That's the missing piece I had always wanted. Nobody ever really loved me, beside my dad, and when he left, I had no one. That's why I had took it so fast with Luke, because I just wanted someone to love me. When I found him cheating on me, I had no one again, that's why I took it so hard, and built walls.

I still had those walls, but they were slowly coming down, for one person only though. They would still be there, the horrible thoughts scarred into my vision, but Ryan would help me, all I had to do was let him over my walls.

_**-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-**_

_Can't take my eyes off you Lady Antebellum_

_I know that the bridges that I've burned  
Along the way  
Have left me with these walls and these scars  
That won't go away  
And opening up has always been the hardest thing  
Until you came_

_So lay here beside me just hold me and don't let go  
This feelin' I'm feelin' is somethin' I've never known  
And I just can't take my eyes off you  
And I just can't take my eyes off you_

_I love when you tell me that I'm pretty  
When I just wake up  
And I love how you tease me when I'm moody  
But it's never too much  
I'm falling fast but the truth is I'm not scared at all  
You climbed my walls_

_So lay here beside me just hold me and don't let go  
This feelin' I'm feelin' is somethin' I've never known  
And I just can't take my eyes off you  
And I just can't take my eyes off you_

_Off you  
Off you  
Off you_

_So lay here beside me juat hold me and don't let go  
__And oh this feelin' I'm feelin' is somethin' I've never known  
And I just can't take my eyes off you  
And I just can't take my eyes off you..._

**-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-**

**Thank you for reading. Now please reveiw, so I know if it's good or bad. I have a feeling it's going to be bad, so just tell me, please.**


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N – Ok, so I have decided to make this a little longer, but it's not going to be a full-out story mind you. It wasn't supposed to be longer then one chapter, but of course, I caved in and am making it longer. I really want to finish the other story I'm working on, even though I haven't worked on it in forever. I guess half the reason I haven't worked on this site in a while is because I've been busy, really busy. And I also seem to have writers block, which I'm not to thrilled about. Anything I seem to write doesn't suit my likings. People tell me it's good over and over again, but I just can't publish something if it's not right, now. So I'm sorry for all the people that are waiting for me to update, I'm trying my best. **

**I also have something big coming up in a few months and won't be around much. For you people that are actually reading this authors note, my apologies for the upcoming inconvenience.**

**Chapter Two**

It had been a few days after I went to the pool to see Ryan, and we saw a movie. I didn't show much emotion to anyone but him after that. I was still ashamed I let him see me like that. But I'm getting ahead of myself; this is what happened after the last faded away.

**-0-0-0-0-0-0-**

It had been some while, and they were still playing the video game. Seth seemed to be into it, and was yelling at the screen, and make sarcastic comments to himself. Ryan on the other hand, was letting Seth win, looking over at me every few minutes, and looking right through the television screen.

It looked like, to me, which Ryan's character had died, causing Seth to yell from the top of his lungs. This however made me jump to my feet in fright. He sounded exactly how Jack did, when he was mad. It scared me too much to sit down again, so I stead standing, with my eyes bugged out, looking around franticly.

Ryan stood up beside me, and took me in his arms. At first I tensed, and it took all me will power not to flinch away. However it didn't take me long to relax with his arms around me. I couldn't tell you why at the time, but I felt so safe in his arms. I couldn't really understand this at all to tell you the truth. I didn't even know him for two days, and I felt like he was the only one I could run to.

"Would you like to do something? Go to a movie?" Ryan suggested.

Of course I would love to go anywhere with you, my heart was screaming at me to say. But my head was telling me not to go anywhere; it would only get my heart broken. Somehow thought, I felt like he would never hurt me; but that's what Luke said too.

I knew I was setting myself up for a fall, but I nodded my head anyway. It took all my power to nod my head, and I felt like I was vulnerable to the world's vicious clutch. "Would you like Seth," he said pointing to the figure on the floor still playing his games and grunting to himself, "and his girlfriend to come with us?"

I just nodded my head, and started for the door. Seth jumped up, and ran out the door before we could get to it, yelling "Shark movie!"

Ryan looked over at me a chuckled; this was going to be a long movie. He took my hand in his bigger one, and walked in the darkness of the night.

**-0-0-0-0-0-0-**

Anyway, like I was saying Ryan was the only one I really talked to. Though I hadn't been talking to him much lately. I had my reasons though. I was still suffering from the blow Jack had given me when I got home that night.

He had seen Ryan drop me off, and said I wasn't good enough for him. Of course, I took it to heart, thinking Jack was right. But even though I agreed with him, he didn't let me off the hook, taking a beer bottle to my head.

It was only minor to what I have had perversely, but it was smack-dab on my forehead. It was quite noticeable, and I didn't really want to give people something to talk about. I especially didn't want Ryan to see me, not like this. He would only get worried, and pressure my to telling about my background, making me even more ashamed then I already was.

It's not like I didn't want to see Ryan, or talk to him. It was that I was scared. I was scared to open up to him. And that's where those stupid walls came back. The walls that made me not listen to my heart, and listen to my head.

If Jack was right, Ryan wouldn't care I wasn't around anyway. Jack had always put me down, and made horrible comments on how I look. He was starting to do it so frenetically, that I was believing it myself. I just didn't feel how you should. I felt like I was shrinking in my cloths. Like there was nothing I could do to look good.

It was a long shot that Ryan actually missed me, but it felt good to think he did. Even if I knew, he never would miss me, when he could have so many other girls.

**-0-0-0-0-0-0-**

I was sitting by myself at the lifeguard stand. My head was still an infected mess, but it was two in the morning, so I doubted someone to be here. I wasn't doing much of anything, besides thinking.

I was deep in though too, before my phone made that little annoying sound, indicating I had gotten a text message. I flipped open the phone, expecting that it would be my mom, messaging to say I had to get home to help her from Jack. But it was different this time. It read:

_Turn around, Riss_

Only one person called me by that name...

**-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-**

**Ok... I don't really know where I'm going to go with this at the moment, but I'm sure I'll have it updated soon.**


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N - Thank you for reviewing people, I appreciate it a lot. It always helps stories flow, when I know its being read. Sorry the last chapter was short; I'll just have to make up in this one. Sorry if you are disappointed by this… **

Chapter 3

_Only one person called her Riss,_ and that person scared the living daylights out of me. He was so curl, and mean.

I turned around, searching in the complete darkness, to see the face I dreaded. With the brown hair, and the scruff of a beard. The piercing blue eyes, which had the look of hatred in them, they weren't like Ryan's eyes either; they were just different. A bad different.

I got to my feet, still looking around frantically for the horrible face, that I was soon to meet. I pinned my back to wood of the stand, which I thought would always be safe. Now though, I was wishing I would have stead home. Even though home was far from perfect, it was better then out here, all alone, with him here.

I felt a gurgle in the pit of my stomach when I heard the voice. The breath taking voice; and not in a good way, breath taking. It took the wind out of me, like I had just been punched in the chest; really, really hard.

I turned my head, and looked to where the horrible voice came from; he was on the other side of the stand, not close to the ramp. I saw this as my only exit. Although it wasn't a perfect exit, it was going to have to do. I was in a life or death situation here, what was I going to do? Wait till he got me, or run? It was an easy answer, but my legs didn't agree with my head.

He stared at me for a while, and then started to proceed towards me. My legs stead plat formed to the old wood boards of the stand. My stomach now feeling like Jell-O. He got by my side, close enough for me to smell the liquor vibrating off him.

My head stead still, but my eyes moved to look at him. I had never had seen him have such a horrendous look on his face before. His face had always scared me before, but at this moment, it was even scarier. It looked like revenge was all he wanted, and why wouldn't he? I didn't listen to him.

I took a deep breath, and ran down the ramp, on my Jell-O like legs. My breathing was way too high to be normal, and I bet my blood pressure was up so high; it could have hit a bird in the sky.

I heard a bang. I didn't know what the bang could have been, but I wasn't going to turn around and look. I still didn't know what the bang was, until I felt a gust a wind blow past my head. It almost hit me, and I knew what it was; he had a gun. I heard more bangs, and I knew one was bound to hit me. It's not like I was bullet proof.

I could see my car now; I was so close; to getting out of this alive, and unharmed. The really only thing that was keeping me running was the fact I had to see Ryan again. I would never be able to just leave it at this. I had to see him again, so I kept running to my car, hoping I would get my wish.

I heard one last bang. Within seconds of the bang, I felt a sharp pain in my left side; he finally hit me. The pain was very sharp, and I could just barley move. I was about to drop down, and let him claim his victory, when I saw a picture of the ocean blues. Those ocean blues were so clear; it felt like he was right there. I had to keep running, at least if I only got to see those ocean blues once more, it would be better then never again. Just one glance and I would be okay, just one glance.

I reached my car, and flew it to drive. Sitting in my car, and driving, I could feel the pain more throughout. I could see the scarlet puddle forming on the car seat, but just one glance, that's all I needed.

It took awhile to get to the Cohen house, at least it felt long. It must have only been five minutes, but when you're losing blood like a fountain, your mind kind of gets fuzzy. At last I pulled up to the house, and as soon as I stopped the car, I jumped out. I wasn't wasting any time, I was lucky I got this far.

I ran, even though it hurt, to the pool house. I went around to pool, and ran up the three stairs. It didn't feel like three steps, maybe three thousand would have been more accurate to my senses. But it was only three, and it didn't take long to get to the door of the pool house.

I didn't knock. For all I know, Ryan could have been with some other girl, and I would be interrupting something, but I wasn't too worried about it at the moment. I desperately needed to see him one last time.

I stepped in looking at him. He looked up, and his gaze fell on me. The emotions played across his face; shock, concern, horror, and one last thing that I couldn't place. He got up and bolted to me. I didn't get to see him up close though, because my eyes dropped, and my mind went completely black. The last thing I remember, I was falling, and he caught me.

**-0-0-0-0-0-**

When I woke up, my eyes wouldn't seem to open. They were stuck shut, great, I woke up to see him, and I couldn't even seem to do that. I could hear, but all I could hear were these little annoying beeping noises.

I lie there for what feels like ever. Nobody notices I'm really awake. I still can't open my eyes. This is the closest to hell I'm ever going to get; not being able to see him.

Suddenly I felt a boyish hand take mine, and hold it like I was glass. I held that hand before, and all I wanted to do was open my eyes, and see the blue gaze. It still didn't feel right to have someone hold my hand, and I still felt the need to pull away… but somehow, it wasn't as strong, like I was finally giving in to all this madness the world had to give me.

I was having the best time in my life, besides the horrible pain I was in, I felt whole. Just lying there holding Ryan's hand, with my eyes closed, like something that had always been missing was put into me finally. That is until I heard the voice. Not Ryan's voice either. The person who had put me in this hospital bed in the first place.

I squeezed Ryan's hand, thinking maybe, just maybe he would get the message that I didn't want this person in here. No such luck. I tried with all I had, still seeing black. There was nothing I could do, I was planted to the bed, and my eyes were stuck shut.

I could feel someone hover over me, but Ryan's hand was still holding mine, and it never moved. That meant he was hovering over me, the man with the brown hair, and the scruff of a beard was hovering over me. The man who put me here in the first place.

It was all too much, and I still couldn't open my eyes, I let the tears slip from underneath my stuck eyelids. I felt another boyish hand wipe them away, and I felt the one I wanted be taken away from my grasp, someone put their mouth to my ear, and I could smell the liquor again. He then whispered, "It'll be alright Riss,"

My stuck eyes opened in a flash, and I jumped out of the bed. It hurt, more then anyone could imagine, this would be the end of me, but I had to get it through, so he couldn't hurt another innocent female like me.

"RYAN!" I screamed in a hoarse voice, I couldn't even tell if I was talking, until Ryan looked in the room in complete shock. He had been in the hallway, and he heard me, okay, good sign… I didn't lose my voice.

He rushed over and stopped in front of me. He didn't touch me, and I was glad he didn't. His blue eyes were huge, and he had the look of horror all over his features. I looked down, the scarlet was pouring out again, no wonder he had the look of horror, it was horrendous, and all the blood, horrible.

"Ryan," I breathed hard, it felt, like I wasn't getting enough oxygen, and I was close to my end, "don't let him near you, he did it, he shot me," I said looking over to the man, "Jack did it."

"Oh Marissa," Ryan breathed, tears coming to his blue gaze. I looked at him for another minute, while the police and doctors were buzzing around. One nurse tried to get me to lie down again, but I flinched back, closer to Ryan. I looked up one last time, and like before, the last thing I remember, I was falling, and he caught me.

**A/N – Yeah… so sorry for all those people out there that was disappointed by this. Feel free to give me some ideas. R/R, Thanks. **


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